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by Drakojana



Series: Please Don't Go, I Love You So [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, References to Depression, the sequel nobody asked for to break your hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 21:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10999203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakojana/pseuds/Drakojana
Summary: "Shh, it's fine," Anti says again and the heartache grows stronger. He's never thought he'd lie to make someone else feel better. But Mark is special and he wants him to be alright. "I don't mind. You loved him, not me.""I still do. P-please, Anti…" Mark wipes his eyes and stares at the other with a plea written all over his face. "I just… I want to know. Where is he…? What happened to Seán…"





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**Author's Note:**

> I'm a monster for writing a sequel. I know.

Mark has always found those dreams unsettling. He can't remember when's the last time he had a normal dream. One that wouldn't be so dark, or silent. The lack of sounds usually causes ringing in his ears.

They're… empty. At the same time, they're not. He doesn't care where he finds himself, it's always the same to him. So he sits in the middle of nowhere - or somewhere. He can't see anything besides his own knees drawn up to his chest. Time passes so slowly in the dream world.

But one night is… so unusual. Sure, he's surrounded by darkness once again. But he feels like he can… see something. A figure. Someone standing in the distance, unmoving. Mark doesn't make the effort to move either. He simply watches.

Then there's talking. Faint, distant voice.

"Stupid."

It sounds so familiar. Like Mark should know the voice well.

"Worthless."

He can't pinpoint who it belongs to, though. He wishes he could see the person's face, everything would clear up.

"Pathetic."

Does the voice hate him? It keeps spitting out those insults and Mark doesn't know how to feel about it. The darkness is the only obstacle in his way to the truth. With each word, he thinks hard about its origin. He recognises it, he knows he does. It's buried somewhere in the depths of his mind.

Something finally changes. A simple ray of light appears out of nowhere, and it's all Mark needs to see. The person's face is illuminated and when their eyes meet, he screams.

* * *

Anti _hates_ sleeping. It makes him feel like he's wasting time that could be spent on much more important tasks. But he has to, the body he inhabits may have a generous amount of energy supply but he still manages to tire it out. And there's also Mark - he wants Anti to get a proper rest every single night. Because somewhere along their way Mark started to care for him. Like he did for the original host of the body.

So when Anti's lying in the bed with half-closed eyes, letting his mind wander from one topic to another, he usually watches the dark-haired man in his sleep. It's the only time he can see Mark look so peaceful. For the most of their time together, the other is a bundle of nerves. It's not like Anti doesn't care about his stress levels - he knows about only one solution to that, and in their current position, it's impossible.

He sighs and closes his eyes, calling out to the depths of his mind.

_Seán._

No response. So he tries again, putting more volume to it.

_Seán. Answer me._

It's silent. Most of the time, anyway. So it's no surprise the host isn't responding. But Anti never gives up. He thinks about trying to lure the other one out during the day. He does so every single day. Twice, sometimes. But the voice is lost. Like it's never existed.

"It's not funny anymore…" He murmurs to himself and turns to lay on the other side.

Five minutes pass and he hears a scream.

" **Seán** **!** "

There's rapid movement on the other side of the bed and Anti feels the covers being pulled off. He quickly sits up himself and looks at Mark. The dark-haired man's face displays the expression of pure terror.

"What's wrong?" He asks quietly.

"I…" Mark begins to shake. There are tears in his eyes already. "I-I saw him…"

Anti knows what to do. The usual thing - every time Mark wakes up from a nightmare, he comforts him with a hug and tender whispers. It works every time; sometimes after ten minutes, sometimes after an hour. But it's the result that matters in the end. So he wraps arms around the trembling figure and pulls him close.

"It's alright. I'm here, Mark."

He makes sure to keep his voice as low as possible - the higher pitches tend to hurt Mark's ears. Anti wasn't able to get rid of the distortion in his voice, it's one of the things the other had to get used to after he eventually accepted his fate.

But then something unexpected happens.

"Anti… I saw Seán. I-In my dream…"

Mark hasn't called him by his real name in half a year. They just agreed that he could use the original host's name because that made everything easier for him. And now he's used _Anti_ again. That can't mean anything good.

The green-haired man keeps rubbing his back, though his hands slow down. He can't get it out of his head - _why_ did Mark call him that? Has he not been enough? Were his efforts futile?

"What was it about?" He needs to get answers. At the same time, he calls out in his mind. _Seán_ , _are you hearing this?_

Mark tries to speak up but words don't come out. He sobs and soon cries into Anti's shoulder. So the only thing the other can do is console him as best as he can.

"Do you still miss him?" He whispers gently into the dark-haired man's ear. He realises it's a stupid question. Of course Mark does. He constantly tells him stories about their  _wonderful_ relationship with Seán. Anti knows about all of them, yet listens to anyway. Talking about the fond memories puts a smile on Mark's face, so the other just can't say no.

In the moment Mark doesn't seem to mind. His answer is a wail as he clutches Anti's shirt.

"I'm… sorry." The green-haired man says and his heart aches. All this time he's been thinking he would be a good substitute. He's accepted the role, using all of his memories and knowledge to mimic the host of his body. Anything to make Mark happy. Even if it hurts. Even if Anti feels something gnawing at his heart, begging him to be  _himself._

"Don't… apologise." A muffled voice comes from under him. Mark pulls himself away to look at Anti's face. His own is red and damp from all the crying. "It's not your fault." His voice is too strained as he can't stop the breakdown. He continues to sob, now covering his face.

"Don't cry. _Please_." Anti gently grabs Mark's wrists, so that he can get a good look at the other's face. The dark-haired man wants to protest but in his state, he can't put up much of a fight.

"It's me… who should say sorry." Mark tries his best to calm his breath. But it's too erratic, and if Anti hadn't heard him crying before, he wouldn't understand him now. Words turn silent, sentences break in the middle, letters get lost. "You did so much for my sake… And I… I can't even…"

"Shh, it's fine," Anti says again and the heartache grows stronger. He's never thought he'd lie to make someone else feel better. But Mark is special and he wants him to be alright. "I don't mind. You loved him, not me."

"I still do. P-please, Anti…" Mark wipes his eyes and stares at the other with a plea written all over his face. "I just… I want to know. Where is he…? What happened to Seán…"

_Are you still going to keep quiet?_

The silence in Anti's head is slowly annoying him. That's the best, the simplest solution but he can't do it on his own.

_Do you really think he wants to hear it?_

"He… He needs some time alone." He whispers and plays with Mark's hair. He knows how much the other likes it. Maybe it will soothe him, even if just a bit.

_Because I'm going to tell him the truth._

"A-alone? W-what do you mean?" Mark bites his lip, though the anxiety is still there and he punctures the skin with his teeth. A single drop of blood forms and runs down his chin. Anti wipes it off and presses a thumb gently over the wound to prevent it from further bleeding.

The green-haired man takes a deep breath, a whistling noise evident in his throat. He changes the volume of his voice because they don't need to be so quiet anymore. They're both wide awake, anyway. He doesn't get to say his next words, though. The voice in his head answers.

**Don't.**

It's weak, fragile, tearful. Unused for so long.

_Was that enough? It had to take a breakdown to convince you?_

**Stop. I… I…**

"Anti?" Mark whispers, tears still glistening in his hazy eyes.

_Stop running away. Do you not love him? Do you not care for him? Can you take this sight without feeling bad?_

**I do love him. I've always loved him.**

Anti cups Mark's face and smiles pitifully.

"What's going on?" The dark-haired man doesn't know what to do. The hands on his face are so cold.

"Everything's alright." Anti leans in and kisses him deeply. There are tears in his own eyes now, and the pain in his chest is unbearable. But he's managed to do it. For Mark.

"I love you. I love you so much." He says between the kisses, not caring about the wet trails on his face.

"Anti, y-you're crying. Y-you're scaring me…" Mark whimpers.

_Are you ready? Do it for him._

**Alright. For him.**

"Don't worry. It's time for you to get Seán back."

Anti closes his eyes.

He hasn't felt this in forever. The peaceful sensation of receding to the back of his - _their_ mind, making way for another consciousness. He fades away, taking all the pain with him. He's going to have to live with it but that's alright. Mark deserves it.

When  _he_ opens his eyes again, he feels a rush of a thousand emotions hit him. It's weird to hear his own voice. But at the same time, it's exactly how it should be. Because those words wouldn't sound right otherwise.

"I'm sorry."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally there was a plan for three parts but it all depends on how much you like this one.


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